No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
