I faked an abortion last night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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