No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
