Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
