$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
