well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
