I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
