My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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