I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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