Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Barsexuality is the new black.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
