why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
