Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
