I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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