So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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