I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
