you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
