i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
