Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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