I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
