i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
