I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
