Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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