Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
