Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
