He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
