so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
