and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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