is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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