I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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