maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
