I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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