I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
