This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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