I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
