I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
