Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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