you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
