Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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