I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
