Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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