I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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