ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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