Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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