I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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