Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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