I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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