I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
