If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
