it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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