Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
