Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
