Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
