College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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