we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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