So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
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Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
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Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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