my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
