I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
