Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
