You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
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Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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