the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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