if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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