We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
