Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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