I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
