You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
