She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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