And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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