Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
