Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im holly from the hills drunk
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
