We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
