On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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