Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
